Quick answer: To plan a wake, decide what kind of gathering feels right, then book a venue close to the funeral service for roughly two to four hours. Estimate guest numbers, arrange a simple buffet with tea, coffee and a bar, and add a personal touch such as photos or favourite music. Finally, share the details at the end of the service. Most wakes are arranged within a week or two of the funeral, and a venue with one point of contact can take care of most of the work for you.
Nobody plans a wake because they want to. It usually lands on your to-do list at the worst possible moment, sandwiched between registering the death, choosing hymns and answering a phone that won’t stop ringing.
So let’s keep this simple.
This guide walks you through how to plan a wake one step at a time. It covers when to hold it, where, how much food to order, what it might cost and the small touches that make it feel like them. You don’t need to do everything on this list. Pick what helps and leave the rest.
What Is a Wake, and How Is It Different from a Funeral?
A wake is the gathering that usually follows a funeral. Family and friends come together to eat, drink, share stories and support each other.
If the funeral is the formal goodbye, the wake is the conversation afterwards. Think of it like a wedding: the ceremony is the serious bit, but the reception is where people actually catch up, laugh and remember why they’re all there.
A few things are worth knowing up front:
- There are no fixed rules. A wake can be a cup of tea at home or a full buffet at a country house.
- It doesn’t have to happen on the same day. Some families hold a celebration of life weeks or months later.
- The guest list can be different. Some people come to the wake but not the funeral, and the other way round.
- It’s usually relaxed. People drift in and out, and nobody expects speeches unless you want them.
You might also hear it called a funeral reception, a funeral tea or a celebration of life. In the UK, these mostly mean the same thing.
How to Plan a Wake in 10 Simple Steps
1. Share the Load Before You Start
The first step isn’t really a planning step at all. It’s asking for help.
Pick one or two people you trust and hand them a job each. One person phones the venue. Another gathers photos. Someone else sorts the guest list. You’d be surprised how many people are desperate to do something useful.
Your funeral director can help too. Most of them arrange wakes every week and know which local venues are good, how long the drive is from the crematorium and what time to book food for.
2. Decide What Kind of Gathering Feels Right
Before you pick a venue or a menu, think about the feel of the day. Ask yourself one question: what would they have wanted?
- A quiet afternoon tea for close family, with sandwiches and cake.
- A relaxed buffet where people chat, share stories and look through old photos.
- A proper celebration, with their favourite music, a toast and a drink at the bar.
There’s no wrong answer. A wake for a gentle, private grandmother might look very different from one for a dad who never missed a party. Both are right.
3. Set the Date, Time and Length
Most wakes start straight after the funeral service and last about two to four hours. People tend to arrive in waves, have something to eat, catch up, then head home.
A few timing tips:
- Leave 20 to 30 minutes after the service for people to say goodbye, find their cars and travel.
- Choose a venue close to the service. A long drive splits the group and loses people along the way.
- Think about the time of day. A late-morning funeral leads into lunch, so guests will be hungry. A mid-afternoon service suits tea and cake.
Weekday funerals are very common, so don’t worry about booking a Saturday. Weekday dates are often easier to secure at short notice, too.
4. Estimate How Many People Will Come
This is the question that worries families most, because you genuinely can’t know.
Not everyone at the funeral will come back afterwards, and some people will skip the service but come to the wake. A rough guide is to start with the number you expect at the funeral, then ask your funeral director what they usually see for a similar service.
If numbers are hard to predict, tell the venue. Most venues ask for final numbers about a week before, so they can order fresh food and make sure the day is properly staffed. Give your best estimate early, then update it as people let you know.
5. Choose the Right Venue
The venue sets the tone for everything else. The most common options are:
| Venue | Good for | Worth knowing |
| Your home | Small, private gatherings | Costs very little, but someone has to host and clear up |
| Pub or social club | Relaxed, informal wakes | Often cheap, but you may share the space with other customers |
| Church or village hall | Community funerals | Low cost, but you’ll usually bring your own food and helpers |
| Hotel or country house venue | Any size, with catering included | Private rooms, parking and staff who handle everything |
When you call a venue, these are the questions worth asking:
- Is the room private, or will other guests be around?
- How far is it from the church or crematorium?
- Is there free parking, and is it close to the entrance?
- Is it accessible for elderly or disabled guests?
- Is there somewhere quiet to step away for a moment?
- Will we have one contact who looks after us on the day?
- What’s included in the price, and is there a room hire charge?
Our guide on what to look for when booking an event space covers a few more checks if you’d like them.
6. Sort the Food and Drink
A buffet is the most popular choice at UK wakes, and for good reason. People can help themselves, move around and talk, which is really what a wake is for.
Classic wake food includes finger sandwiches, sausage rolls, quiches, scones, cakes and plenty of tea and coffee. Many families add their loved one’s favourite dish too, whether that’s a proper pork pie or a lemon drizzle.
How much food do you need? As a rough rule of thumb:
- Afternoon tea: around 4 to 6 pieces of finger food per person, plus cake.
- Lunchtime buffet: around 8 to 10 items per person, as guests will treat it as a meal.
- Hot buffet or sit-down meal: one main portion per person, for smaller family groups.
Ask guests about dietary needs if you can, or simply ask the venue to include a few vegetarian and gluten-free options. A venue that caters wakes regularly will guide you on quantities, so you’re not left with mountains of sandwiches.
Drinks are a personal choice. Tea and coffee are a must. A licensed bar lets people buy their own drink, or you can put money behind the bar for a toast.
7. Set a Budget You’re Comfortable With
A wake can cost almost nothing or a few thousand pounds. It depends on the venue, the food and how many people come.
For a rough idea, recent UK research from SunLife put average venue hire at around £347 and average catering at around £476. Most venues charge for the room and the food separately, so ask for both figures up front and you’ll have the full picture.
A few ways to keep costs down:
- Choose an afternoon tea instead of a full buffet.
- Pick a smaller room for close family and friends.
- Ask for a clear quote with everything included, so there are no surprises.
- Hold the gathering midweek, when venues are often more flexible.
Remember, the size of the wake says nothing about how much someone was loved.
8. Add a Few Personal Touches
This is where a wake stops feeling like an event and starts feeling like them.
- A memory table with photos, medals, a favourite hat or a well-thumbed book.
- A slideshow playing quietly on a screen in the corner.
- Their music in the background, from Sinatra to Status Quo.
- A memory book or cards where guests write down a favourite story.
- A toast with their favourite drink, whether that’s a pint of bitter or a glass of fizz.
Picture this. A family brings in their grandad’s old fishing tackle box and places it by the door, open, with his hand-tied flies inside. Within ten minutes, three of his old fishing friends are standing round it, telling stories nobody else has heard. That’s the magic of a personal touch. It gives people a way in.
9. Let People Know
You don’t need formal invitations for a wake. The simplest options are:
- Add it to the funeral notice in the local paper or online.
- Print it in the order of service, with the venue name and address.
- Ask the celebrant or minister to announce it at the end of the service.
- Send a group message to family and friends with the time and postcode.
If the wake is for close family only, say so gently, for example: “The family will be holding a private gathering afterwards.”
10. On the Day: Let Someone Else Take Over
On the day itself, your only job is to be there.
A good venue will greet guests, keep the tea flowing, set out the food and make sure everything runs on time. Hand any last-minute questions to your chosen helper or the venue’s contact, then sit down, eat something and talk to people.
You’ll be glad you did.
A Simple Wake Planning Checklist
Most wakes come together in a week or two. Here’s how that time usually breaks down.
| When | What to do |
| As soon as the funeral date is set | Choose a helper, decide on the style of wake, call two or three venues |
| 7 to 10 days before | Book the venue, choose the catering, agree a rough guest number |
| 5 to 7 days before | Confirm final numbers and dietary needs with the venue, and add the wake details to the funeral notice and order of service |
| 3 to 5 days before | Gather photos, music and anything for a memory table |
| 1 to 2 days before | Double-check timings with the venue and your funeral director |
| On the day | Hand over to your helper and the venue, and be with your people |
| A few days after | Thank the venue and anyone who helped, and keep the memory book |
Short on time? Call the venue as soon as you have a date. Many venues, ours included, welcome short-notice bookings, and the sooner they have a rough idea of numbers, the more they can do.
What If You’d Rather Wait? Celebrations of Life Held Later
Not every wake happens on the day of the funeral.
More families now choose a direct cremation or a small private service, then hold a celebration of life a few weeks or months later. It gives everyone time to travel, catch their breath and plan something that truly reflects the person.
Think of it as the difference between a hurried phone call and a long, unhurried catch-up over lunch. Both matter, but one leaves room to say everything you wanted to say.
A later gathering can mark a birthday, an anniversary or the scattering of ashes. And because there’s no rush, you can choose the date, menu and details at your own pace.
Planning a Wake in Shropshire or Staffordshire
If you’re planning a wake near Market Drayton, Shrewsbury, Telford or across north Staffordshire, Tern Hill Hall is here to help.
We sit where the A41 and A53 meet, an easy drive from the local churches and crematoria, with plenty of free parking for guests. Here’s what families can expect:
- Private rooms for 10 to 60 guests, including the bright, glass-roofed Orangery overlooking the gardens.
- Refreshments from £19.50 per person, with buffets and sit-down meals also available.
- One dedicated contact from your first phone call to the moment the last guest leaves.
- A quiet room for anyone who needs a moment away.
- Funeral and memorial services held at the hall, with the reception to follow, so nobody needs to travel between venues.
- On-site bedrooms for relatives travelling from further away. See our accommodation.
- Short notice welcome, with replies the same day.
You can find out more on our funeral wakes and celebrations of life page, or read what families and guests say on our testimonials page.
In Summary
Planning a wake doesn’t have to be another weight on your shoulders. Share the jobs, decide what feels right, choose a venue close to the service and keep the food simple. Add one or two personal touches, let people know where to go, then let someone else run the day.
The best wakes aren’t the grandest ones. They’re the ones where people leave saying, “That was just like them.”
Frequently Asked Questions
The wake is normally paid for by the family or the person arranging the funeral. It can sometimes be covered by the estate of the person who has died, so it’s worth keeping receipts and checking with the executor. Some families also split the cost or ask relatives to contribute.
No. Some families keep the wake small and private, especially if the funeral was well attended. A gentle line in the funeral notice, such as “followed by a private family gathering”, is enough to let people know.
Most people wear whatever they wore to the funeral, as they go straight from one to the other. If the family has asked for bright colours or a favourite football shirt, follow their lead. When in doubt, smart and comfortable is always fine.
Yes. After a direct cremation, many families hold a wake or celebration of life on its own, sometimes weeks or months later. It can include readings, music and a toast, just like a wake after a service.
Not at all. Wakes are informal, and guests come and go throughout. Most people stay for an hour or two. Just say goodbye to the close family before you leave, and perhaps share a favourite memory as you go.
Need a hand planning a wake? Call our team on 01630 638310 or send us an enquiry. We’ll reply the same day, take things at your pace, and look after the details so you can be with your family.
